Hey Zengarmy,

Did it ever hit you that relationship changes ever so often?
If you really think hard about it, no relationships actually last forever.
Nothing is impeccable, even with kinship —— it ends with death.
With romance, you either end up with breakups & divorce or death.
And with friendship, I kid you not, it ends with a bajillion of reasons,
including simple things such as "oh you didn't invite me to your birthday party"
or "oh i will never talk to you again cause you forgot to ask me out for dinner".

You name it I write it.

A few days ago, I received a facebook message from a Chinese reader
of my Chinese-based blog on Facebook. I'm not going to name any names
here, so I'll just use "H" to represent that reader in the later part of this post.

So, here's what H told me :

 "I was once close friends with A & B, but I
distant myself from them because of their bad attitudes.
A & B later fell out, but quickly reconciled again.
They then tried to gang up with most classmates
in the same class to boycott me & my friends, C & D.
C & D were besties with A & B but got boycotted
solely because C & D are on good terms with me.
I feel troubled. Can you help me?" 

Upon reading this message, 2 immediate thoughts popped up in my brain :
(1) Gurl you're only in your early teenage life what's up with all the drama??
(2) Nothing lasts forever. The sooner you realize that, the happier you'll be.

I'm not gonna elaborate on the first point (cause I sounded like a bitch),
so I'm going to talk about the second point instead: Nothing lasts forever.
Ever since I was a kid, I was very determined that all friendships are short-lived.
I despised socializing & always thought that sociable people were loud & rude.
And I ABSOLUTELY HATED the fact that some people willingly suck up to others
just to prove that their social well-being is growing on the right track. Eww.

You can now tell that making friends was not my cup of tea.
If destiny does exist, I'm pretty sure that I was pre-destined to be a loner.

My first ever besties-gone-wrong friendship was the one with
a girl named X (again, I'm not naming names to protect their privacy.)
If not mistaken, I think X is my first ever friend of opposite gender.
We would give each other gifts & draw each other cards on a weekly basis.
But then one day, X just got sick of all these. She said, as I remember,
that she needs to unfriend me because all her friends think that we're dating.

And then we barely talked again ever since that drama episode.

That was my first taste of a failed friendship,
and I was even more determined to avoid this pitfall since then.
I made up 2 simple rules for myself: (1) shut up, and (2) don't care.
The results? Life was better since then. Just sometimes lonely.
I was on a good-but-not-super-good term with everyone I knew,
in order to avoid getting involved in any dramas, where I had to
choose one side to stand by when two friends that are equally close
to me are fighting over a slice of pizza or a bowl of ice cream.

Yeah, when you're in primary school, you'll find yourself
surrounded by people who fight over the slightest things.
And just when I thought things are getting better in high school,
they're not. In fact, in some circumstances it's worse than ever.

Apart from a few originally-close-but-not-anymore-once-he-found-somebody-new
friends, I think I did pretty good at avoiding friendship pitfalls in high school.
I stayed close to only a small group of people, and I never regret that choice.
This is also the point where my depression and anxiety just kicked in,
so I wasn't very active at networking and making new contacts.

To me, I'll NEVER expect a friend (even bestie) to stay forever close to me.
It's real life. Fairy tales do not exist. There's always going to be somebody
new that attracts your friend more that you're capable of. And that doesn't mean
you're not an attractive person! You are! Just not anymore to that person you're
once best-friend-forever with. Like clothes, people do grow out of friendship.

I really do feel bad for those people who spent so much time on friends,
that all they know is how to entertain other people rather than themselves.
Not saying that making friends is a waste of time, but it shouldn't be a priority.
I've seen A LOT of my reader's message on my social media telling me that they
feel like they're worthless because every of their relationships ended up not working.
The feeling of "I can't live without him/her" occurs simply because you spent so much
effort and time attaching to that person, until you have no time to build relationship
with yourself. Yes, building relationship with yourself. It is not self-egoism, but priority.

Invest in yourself, NOT relationships.
If you, who are reading this, is a girl whom thinks that you're going to find
a Prince Charming who will provide for you forever & laugh at every of your jokes,
I can't tell you how important IT IS to get rid of this thinking out of your head!
It is dangerous to think that your life will ONLY BE COMPLETED by relationships.
It is not! In fact, one CAN live alone unmarried for the rest of his/her life,
as long as he/she is financially independent, happy, satisfied, and contended.

Invest in something tangible. Invest in yourself. Love yourself.
When you love yourself more than anyone else, you attract people. And then,
good relationships, friendships, and romance will automatically come to you.
I once told my friends that I've already prepared myself to be alone for
the rest of my life, and —— you guess it —— they absolutely freaked out!

"Are you insane?" says my friend.
Yes, maybe. But I am a happy, satisfied, contended insane boy ;)






As a matter of fact, people are contradictory.
They often lost sight of what they've already own.
"The grass is always greener on the other side" is what they think.

This is exactly normal and common.
When a person is single, he/she will crave for companionship;
When a person is in a relationship, he/she will be longing for carefree-ness.

There are no exact rules saying that people in relationships
are always happier than those who aren't, or vice versa.
If you are able to seize the moment and cherish what you own,
you're able to enjoy your life, with or without companionship.


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