Hey Zengarmy,

The time is currently 12:43 a.m. as I'm writing this.

I have this habit of blogging at late night when people
are ALL falling asleep because (a) it's quieter then, and
(b) I love to talk to myself at late night because I'm weird.
So, when you're reading this, it will probably be the next day
after I've finished writing this post because 1:30 a.m. is certainly
NOT a prime time to boost traffic to my blog, just so you know.

Also, let me just get this disclaimer straight before I start.

This post is very likely going to be another mumble-jumble
kinda post because that's what I'm BEST at doing, you know?
I talk to myself in my brain and typed it down and send it off
online via my blog. It's kind of like a therapy for me, I guess.

Okay. Shut up and get to the point, Zeng Teck.

I have attachment issues. Like, serious attachment issue.

It is safe to conclude that I've spent almost 50% of my life
trying to emotionally detach myself from people and things
that I was once emotionally attached to. (Am I even making
any sense? I swear words just come flowing out of my mind)

I am a person who is extremely vulnerable when I'm emotionally attached
to something or someone. For example, I recently watched the TV series
Stranger Things (if you haven't watched this you're seriously missing out)
and it literally took me A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK before I can get over the
emotions I've attached onto the characters in this TV series. During this
entire week, whenever I closed my eyes, ALL I see are the characters in
the TV series. I hated this. It's the same whenever I've finished reading a
really good novel. I can't seem to just shut myself down and resume with
my life just like other people do. It's like I get hangover 10x more easily
than average people do (only it's not caused by alcohol but my emotions).

▲ A scene from Stranger Things.

I know this happens to A LOT of people, but TRUST ME, mine is worse.
If you put me in a room full of movies and books that can last me for
a month, YOU BEST BELIEVE I wouldn't step out of the room for even
a minute because I'll get so SO drunk drowning in all of the emotions.

Which, brings me to my next point :
I don't really like the idea of going back home.

Or, more accurately, should I say, I don't like coming back TOO
FREQUENTLY from my university dorm to my home because I
knew very well what is going to happen to me if I'm attached
to my home. For those of you who have no idea, I am currently
studying a 3-year Psychology degree at Sunway University, which
is not located anywhere near my hometown, which means I have
to live in the university dorm. Different from most of the people,
I'm not so intrigued by the idea of going back to my hometown on
weekly basis, simply because I find myself getting LESS motivated
when I'm too attached to the idea of being able to go back to my
hometown every weekend. I want to be independent because I
know that's the BEST thing I can do to reassure my parents that
I can take care of myself, even when they're gone. I know. That's
a really terrible thing to think about, but I'm trying to be realistic.
I know this might not resonate with most of you guys, but hey,
this is exactly what I'm feeling right now at this stage of my life.

Fun fact : I'm typing this from my home, not my dorm.
What an irony I know. I'm now back at my home (haha).
My semester break started a month ago but I decided
to wait until the very last week (aka this week) before
coming back to home due to my "attachment" problems.

Does that mean I hate my home?
NO. But one thing I have learned
throughout the course of growing
up is to never get TOO ATTACHED
to things to avoid heart breaks.

( The "things" I'm referring here includes ideas & people. )

The less you get attached to,
the less heart-broken you'll be
when it comes to the inevitable
time of saying goodbye to things.

 Less expectation = Less disappointment 

What I'm trying to say is, don't get overly attached to the idea
that everything is eternal, because that's not how this world
works, honey. Cherish the people around you while it lasts,
but also be mentally prepared when people & things change.

I've recently received quite a few emails from my blog readers
who tell me they're heart-broken because their friends/lovers
have changed and the relationships just don't seem to be the
same anymore. The only advice I can give here is to not be
too attached. Cherish the moments you've spent with them,
but ALSO, be mentally prepared that relationships are going
to change in the course of time. Never get too attached, ever.

Okay I'm realizing how bizzare this blog post is taking its turn,
but what more can you expect from my brain at this wee hour?
I'm running out of ideas and I'm tired. I need to go to bed now.

I'll see you in my next post, bye.


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