FAKE IT, TILL YOU BECOME IT.

♥


Hey Zengarmy,


This is NOT the super-long-chatty blog post that I mentioned
in my previous blog post, but yeah, I'm still working on that
blog post & this post is just another unexpected post resulted
by my spontaneity (well, actually not, this post is inspired by
a TED talk video shown by my Social Psychology lecturer).

"Fake it till you make it."



I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY who is currently reading this
— if not, MOST of you guys who're reading this have heard
of this infamous phrase floating around the Internet before,
however, my personal stand on this advice is rather vague.
To me, the validity of this phrase itself is QUESTIONABLE.
Can you REALLY fake being a positive & charismatic person
and making other people believing that you ARE a positive
& charismatic person, when you yourself knew that deep
down you're a super negative, anxious & insecure person?

Not too long ago, my friend Kiar shared an article entitled
"Unless You’re Oprah, ‘Be Yourself’ Is Terrible Advice"
written by Adam Grant on the New York Times' website.
Upon my first impression of reading this article, I felt
awed and highly skeptical about his point of view.



If you're not planning to read the ENTIRE article now,
(which I doubt you'll want to read the entire article)
the article is essentially about how people who're being
"authentic" (aka being themselves, unfiltered) are being
judged and penalized by the society, compared to people
who fitted themselves into the generic stereotypes of how
a "successful" person should be like. In short, Adam thinks
that if you're naturally born with a trait that puts you in a
disadvantaged position, you could eliminate that trait by
replacing it with a better trait and practicing that trait until
it becomes PART OF YOU. Until you yourself are convinced.

"Fake it till you become it?"

After having a back-and-forth discussion with my friend,
(the discussion seemed a little bit heated but we're cool)
I'm starting to be convinced by Adam Grant that, yeah,
MAYBE one day I can shed off the traits that I loathe on
myself by simply practicing the desirable traits, until I'm
FULLY CONVINCED that my loathsome traits are all gone.



Sadly, I was unfortunate enough to be born anxious and pessimistic,
which is often deemed as being passive, unmotivated & negative.
I always find myself feeling inferior whenever I'm communicating
with other people in real life. For example, I tend to hunch myself
unconsciously when I'm talking to people older than me — which,
in the world of Psychology, is a sign that I'm trying to let the person
I was talking to to overpower and outshine myself. Apart from that,
I'm also always crossing my arms and legs whenever I'm sitting down
— which, if you're observant enough, these are all the nonverbal cues
revealed by my body language that I'm in fact very insecure, deep down.



Now, I don't care what you're doing right now, but PLEASE do watch this video.
It's NOT a short one (and might be quite boring to some people, but not to me)
so I'll suggest you to grab a drink or some snacks while listening to this speech.
I want you to REALLY watch this video from the beginning till the end.
Turn on the caption (CC) if you're not used to listening to English speaker.
I know, I know, this video is 21-minutes-long, but I PROMISE that you'll be
gaining something beneficial after you've finished watching this video.

 PS : I lowkey cried at the 16:03-19:33 part, ESPECIALLY at the 18:29-19:33 part :'( 

Her speech really hits home to me because of how she understands the "impostor"
part due to the brain-damaging accident she had. Not saying that I had an accident
before but I do feel like I'm an "impostor" most of the time. I wasn't born with an
exceptionally high IQ and so I had to work harder than those with higher IQs to
get to where I am now. If you've read all of my previous blog posts about my
depression (you can actually search for those posts by typing the word
"depression" in the pink "search?" at the top right corner of your screen
— that is, only if you're reading this using your PC hahah), you'll know that
my depression episodes were mostly contributed by the thoughts that I'm not
competent enough against my competent classmates and how I felt like all my
efforts are not going to pay off no matter how hard I try. And so I was depressed.



To me, the idea of "fake it till you make it" is always easier said than done,
WHICH TERRIFIES ME and is one of the reasons why I disagree with that phrase
more and more over the years. I used to believe in "fake it till you make it",
I do, until I actually tried it for years and realized it literally DOES NOTHING.
However, "fake it till you become it" sounds more approachable to me.
The difference is : instead of trying to change yourself for the sake of
changing yourself, try to internalize your ideal self with your real self.

Until then, I'm going to try and
finish my assignments first before
I proceed to "fake it till I become it".



PS : I literally have 5 assignments lining up in front of me waiting to be finished.



♥

        

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