Hey Zengarmy,

*Post-edit: This post is VERY messy* If you've read my previous post you might recognize
this post as "2017, it's a wrap" (lol at the cheesiness) but I decided to change the title
because I have this bad habit of constantly writing out of topic and having to change
the post title when it deteriorates into something which I'd like to call The Stage 4
Blogging Cancer — in which the entire post turns out to be a piece of trash full of
repetitive babbling. I recently (and accidentally) read back one of my older posts
that I've published on this blog just a few months ago, AND IT WAS A TERRIFYING
EXPERIENCE. I don't regret any content that I have posted on this blog, but it IS a
painful torture to look back at the mind of my younger self. It's a cringe party!

I. rambled. so. muuuccchh.
in. my. previous. posts. why.
would. anybody. read. my. blog
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Me looking back at my
dumb younger self and
cringing so hard I want
to bleach my own eyes.

It's amazing how a few months' time can witness my transformation in mentality,
writing skills, and views in life. I looked back at the posts that I've written just a
few months ago, and I can barely recognize the person who wrote those posts.
"Who are you? You're NOT me!" I was screaming on the inside when I revisited the
thoughts that my younger self had audaciously posted on the internet. But isn't
this the beautiful thing of being a blogger? Some document their lives in videos,
some with voice memos, some via pictures — while I wrote them down in words.

As embarrassing as they may appear, those thoughts were valid to me when I was in
those life stages. I started blogging back in 2014 because I wanted to have a voice.
I will be the first to admit that I was a follower, not a leader, in my life. I chose to
blend in, preferring to like what other people have liked instead of exploring what I
ACTUALLY ENJOYED. I was desperate to seem cool, looking for approval from friends
to friends, not realizing I have an entire mountain to climb when it comes to knowing
who I really am. As you might have guessed, I never fit into the mould. I was tired of
life, tired of people assuming that they know me inside out, and tired of becoming
one of those cookie-cutter boys (lol) who leaves high school as socially acceptable
representatives — a prim, accomplished endorsement of society's expectation.

I was a rebellious dreamer, a reckless one.

I've had many different dreams, and most of them break before I could barely even

touch them. Dreamed of becoming a cool kid. Failed. It was too high-maintenance
for me and I hate going to parties & clubs. Dreamed of becoming a YouTuber. Failed.
I wasn't funny enough. Wasn't interesting enough. Wasn't good-looking enough. Wasn't
competitive enough to fight for views, likes, and subscribers. Dreamed of becoming a
music artist. Failed. I wasn't talented enough. Wasn't born in a family where artistic
talent is nurtured to the same extent as science, mathematics and whatever that
makes you flourish down whatever socially acceptable career path you had chosen.
As cliche as it sounds, with every vanishing dream I became a stronger person who
learned to accept failures & move on. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose.
Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize that there is no choice but to let go.

Acceptance is a small, quiet room. 

As an artistic person at heart, I value evolution as my top priority in life. I want to
be constantly evolving into something new. It keeps me alive & breathing. I don't
want to be the same person I was a year ago, or even just a few months ago — that
just means that I'm not growing at all! Towards the ending of 2017, I found myself
in a plateau, and I totally freaked out. I felt like I wasn't progressing — instead, I'm
just aimlessly repeating the same routine over and over and over and over and over
again. I went into another episode of depression and finally made the decision to put
an end to my struggling attempts of multitasking a hundred million projects all at the
same time. Let's just say I'm not a very good multitasker — and I'm not ashamed of it.

 9.8 out of 10  for Lady Bird!

( I believe it's the HIGHEST rating I've EVER given on this blog )

After finished watching Lady Bird (quite meh by the abrupt ending, tho) I think it's
safe to say that this movie is an anthem in the form of a movie for all the dreamers
out there. It's the kind of movie that I'd rewatch in the next 10 years (or maybe more)
and would still rewatch it over & over again. It's an instant classic in my book. Period.
The acting is very strong, the message of the movie is very powerful, & I feel like every
single scene in the movie has a story to tell — they're not just put there to keep the story
rolling! However, I don't think the non-millennials will appreciate this movie as much as
the millennials do — if you're not millennials, chances are you might be annoyed by this
movie! Nonetheless, I swear by my own book that this movie is one the best in 2017!!!
( PS. : sorry for the rush I'm kinda writing this post at 3 a.m. — I NEEDA SLEEP SOON! )

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

Okay I'm going to finish this post up
with whatever's left in my brain 😂

 For some particularly strange reason, 
 this blog BLEW THE FUCK UP IN 2017. 

I started this blog with 30 pageviews per post, never realizing that one day
I will have 29k people reading my shit per month and 216k people reading
my shit in total! I guess one of my dreams of becoming a semi-successful
blogger came true huh? 😂 In the same vein, here's my #2017bestnine 👇

As you might have gathered, I wasn't posting on Instagram very frequently in 2017
(and I was HEAVILY unfollowed by a lot of people — I hope they all choked on their
water 😊) and it gave me the opportunity to see who the fake bitches are I guess 😂
If you think you're blocked by me on Instagram, do not fret, because it was my very
intention to do so — I'm granting your wish of not seeing my content anymore, so be
thankful for that! ;) Overall, 2017 was a year of me realizing that those who want to
stay will stay and those who want to leave are those whom I do not need in my life.

Okay before I end this post, I really wanted to slightly talk about my internship
experience! If you have been following me for a while, you might know that I've
started interning as a teaching assistant at a special need learning centre called
MindspaceSo far it's an enjoyable experience (not sure about later 😣) and I've
actually received chocolate from a student on the Christmas week! (even though
I started my first week of internship on the Christmas week & nobody knows who
the fuck I am LOL) 😂 I am very tempted to start a new series on this blog writing
about my experience — would anybody actually be interested in reading that tho?

Let me know in the comment section below!
I'll see you guys with another post soon (idk).


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