Hey Zengarmy,

This tag has been going CRAZY on social media!!
So I decided to do this tag on my blog
& shamelessly name it " deluxe edition " LOLZ.

If you are following me on my Facebook or Instagram,
then you might have seen this tag already.
But come on, it's okay.
The " 20 Facts About Me " tag on my blog would definitely be more detailed.
( I hope that made you guys feel better ? heheh )
Most of my friends who saw this tag on my Facebook & Instagram,
will be startled by my 20th fact, when I said that I've attempted suicide when I was 15.

My Facebook : www.facebook.com/MrGagaguilera
My Instagram : www.instagram.com/zengteck
My Twitter : www.twitter.com/zengteck
My YouTube channel : www.youtube.com/MrGagaguilera

Therefore I would like to talk about that more, in this blog post.

20 Facts About Zeng Teck

#1. I blog.

Okay this one is very obvious, 
I am a blogger. And you are now reading my blog.
Why do I blog ? When do I blog ? Where do I blog ? What do I blog ?
Relaxxxx guys I'm gonna answer ALL OF THAT for you right now.

Why do I blog ?
I started blogging because I love writing so much !!!
I mean, I may be a shitty writer but I definitely enjoy writing more than anything :)
Also, one of the reasons why I became a blogger is because :
I’ve always been a listener, which could make it very hard for me to feel included. 
Whenever I’m working in a group, it seems like the outspoken people are always
the ones who get acknowledged, even if I do more work.

So I started this blog, 
because seriously, I'm way better in writing than speaking mwahahaha ...
Blogging has been a good way for me to express myself better.

When do I blog ?
I started my blog in March 2014, which is my first year in college.
And I often blog during weekend, or whenever my sentimental-self kicks in, heheh.

Where do I blog ?
This question is kinda silly but, I don't care, I love it.
I blog in my hostel room most of the time, 
because I need COMPLETE SILENCE when I'm writing stuffs.
( My roommates are often elsewhere & not in the room, so definitely YESSSS !!! )

What do I blog ?
As you guys can see from my blog's headline,
I blog about music, lifestyle, thoughts, fashion, DIY, food,
and not to forget, book & movie reviews, 
or reviews for whatever products I've used & places I've went to.
( I kinda blog about random stuffs LOL, but music will always be my favourite )

#2. I'm a YouTuber.

I'm particularly excited for the fact that I'm a YouTuber !!!
I even wrote a special blog post to introduce my YouTube channel before this :)

Click here to read this blog post !

#3. Currently 17.9 years old.

My birthday month is in October, and it's currently September now, so ...
I'm not an adult yet !!!

#4. Currently 45kg weight & 175cm tall.

This is a perfect combination for a girl, but not for a guy.
I assumed that something's probably went wrong with my metabolic system, 
that they go SUPER FAST.
A blog post is previously written by me, regarding this issue.

Click here to check it out !

#5. I sing in my bathroom. 

I reckon everybody did this before.
And I do this everyday.

#6. Not a fan of sports. 

I suck at playing sports.
Everybody who knows me will know this.
But whenever strangers ask me about my favorite sports, 
or whenever I have to fill up my particulars for application,
I always lie & "pretend" that badminton is my favorite sports.

#7. Don't have any piercings. 

Never had one & will never have one :)

#8. Don't have any tattoos. 

Never had one & will never have one :)

#9. My right ear is not symmetrical to my left ear. 

I don't know why, but my right ear is slightly higher above compared to my left ear.
I learnt this fact when the man whom I bought my spectacles from, said this.

#10. Maths is my biggest enemy. 

Okay, I've got to be honest.
Maths & I, we are like water & oil.
We tried to be good friends before, but we definitely don't like each other.
So ... yeah, accountant is definitely not my future career. I'm sorry.

#11. Current inspiration is Michelle Phan. 

If you don't know this girl, you're way too out-dated, soz.
This asian girl is definitely an inspiration for me !!!
She inspires me to be true to who I am.

Michelle Phan is a famous beauty blogger & one of the biggest YouTube sensation.
She started from scratches when she made her first YouTube video,
but today, she gained 7 MILLION YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBERS !!!
She even started her own cosmetic line "em michelle phan" !!!

She's part of the motivation & reason for me to start making YouTube videos !!!

Check out her YouTube channel here !

#12. Current favorite singer is Ed Sheeran. 

OMG what more can I say about Ed Sheeran ?!!
You will fall in love with his voice the moment you hear it.

#13. Current celebrity crush is Ariana Grande. 

Ariana Grande is perfection.

#14. Current favorite movie is《Cafe · Waiting · Love》

This is a mandarin movie from Taiwan,
so I apologize for those don't understand mandarin.

#15. Current favorite song is "Thank You" by MKTO. 

Go listen to this song, you guys will love it !!!

#16. Hate cocky people with no manners.

No offense, but this kind of people disgusts me a lot.
In my opinion, the whole point of education is NOT about getting good grades !!!
It's ALL about becoming better individuals with good personalities, who can contribute to the world.
So, if you got full marks for all of your exams, but you don't treat people kindly,

#17. Never dated anyone before. 

Yes I'm single & had been single for almost 18 years continuously.
But I kinda enjoy it instead.
More freedom for the singles, I guess ? ( HOORAY !! )

#18. Never had a pet before.

My mom don't allow this & I can't afford this.
But I like animals VERY MUCH, though.
When I was younger, I could stare at kittens & cat for the whole afternoon after school.
( People who don't know me will think I'm crazy mwahahaha )
However, I did plan of adopting dogs & cats in the future, when I started working :)
FYI, cats & dogs don't fight in reality, but cats & mice do.

#19. Not a talker in front of strangers. 

I'm not a fan of talking in front of the people I'm not familiar with.
I'm too shy & thin-skinned to do that heheh.
But I do talk crazily with my long-acquainted friends, ask them.

#20. I attempted suicide when I was 15.

Okay, this last fact about me is the one who scared all my friends.
With reference to that, I'm going to talk more about this. *deep breath*

I suffered from REALLY MINOR anxiety,
which probably is a secret, that hasn't been brought to anybody's attention yet.
I don't deny it, but I would definitely not bring up this issue purposely in front of people.
It's just ...... a demon that had been living with me for the past 3 and a half years.
I have no idea when will it be gone, 
but I'm definitely hoping that it will be gone really soon.

I'm a people-pleaser.
I always want to please everybody so that I'll not disappoint anybody.
Apparently, this mentality causes my anxiety.
This is part of me.

Now, let's go to the attempted-suicide-story.
When I was in my primary school,
I was the kind of kid that doesn't give a shit about anything.
I was talkative & very naughty.

During my secondary education, when I was 13,
I started to become more sensible,
and my grades started to soar like a roller coaster that only goes up.
That was the happiest time of my life.
I enjoyed learning, so much.
I appreciated every thing in my life.

( I'm actually crying when I'm writing this. This is just so hard for me,
I would pay for anything to go back to this moment in my life. )

As soon as I've turned into 15,
things started to change around me.
I was overwhelmed & enveloped by the sudden feeling of TIREDNESS.
I just feel so tired every time.
No particular reason, just tired.
I'm tired of everything, my studies, my friends, my families, my everything ...
My grades started to have a nosedive.
And I was absolutely very upset, all the time.
I think everybody around me noticed the change in me, and they started asking.
How could I explain to you ?!!

So I decided to kill myself.
It was a night, but I can't remember what date is it.
I stayed up late until everyone in the house is asleep.
And I even wrote a will for my death.
( I don't remember exactly what I've written, 
but it was about telling my families not to be grief over my death )
Then I decided to drink up a bottle of bleach, it's the least painful death I could think of.

Just before the moment before I opened the bottle of bleach,
I freaked out.
The guilt of leaving my family in grief, kept flashing through my mind.
They've paid so much to raise me up,
and I pay them nothing but grief ?

" Am I too selfish ? "

That was the only question I asked myself.
And thank God I asked myself that question.
If that was not the case, I would have died, 

Sometimes, when life get's a little complicated, 
it's very easy to lose sight of all the positive things, 
and you become solely focused on the negative.

If you know someone who is depressed, please resolve never to ask them why.
Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; 
depression is just, like the weather.

Try to understand the blackness, the lethargy, the hopelessness & loneliness they are going through. 
Be there for them when they come through the other side. 
It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, 
but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do. 

I think I had only told not more than 5 friends about my anxiety before this.
But now, all of you, my blog readers know this.
This is an insight of someone who is depressed.

That explains why I try to stay away from other people. 
I don't like to have to be keeping up pretenses all the time -- it's exhausting. 
Being a loner forces me to be two-faced sometimes, though. 
I'm always having to make up little stories to get out of social situations. 
But I'd much rather to be alone, watching movies. 
I enjoy watching actors. They're always pretending, just like me. 

I hope you've gained something positive from this blog post.
It's not my intention to get sympathy or anything.
It's just ...... what I felt.

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