GOODBYE 2014. ❤

Hey Zengarmy,

2014. Wow, what a year!
I don't even know where to begin, but here it goes...

I'm still surprised that how time flies.
It's like I've just step out of my secondary school life,
and in a wink of eyes, here I am, in my second college year.
It's only on reflection of the year, when you really sit down and think about it, 
that you'll realize it may have possibly been the worst and best year of your life. 
I know that is hard to get your head around, 
"how could it have possibly been the best AND worst?", 
but it really was, and that's the only way I can describe it. 

The start of the year is a bit of a blur for me. 
(I could completely side step the reasons, but I am a normal person, 
and my life isn't perfect, and you are all my friends). 
A lot of things had happened in 2014.
I started my A-Level program at Sunway College.
I did quite well in my lessons,
I did quite badly in my exams.
I met new friends,
Some of my old friends back in high school
aren't that close to me anymore.
I haven't heard from them so long.
I'm afraid that I might never hear news from them anymore.

I had a quirky luck this year.
I failed for almost everything that I've prepared,
but succeeded in things that I never planned of.
I started a blog in March 2014 & gained 8K pageviews by now.
I started a YouTube channel in June 2014 & gained 65 subscribers & 3K views by now.

My parents are quite mad at me,
for voluntarily becoming an online figure on the internet.
But all I wanted to say is :
hahahahaha :P

I do admit that I did kinda neglected my study,
I can't deny that. (I'm sorry)
I do know that my responsibility in college
is to ace my studies & get scholarships to enter good universities,
& continue my studies on a promising field of career that I'm interested in.
But ... let's be honest,
life is a b*tch, not a bed of roses.
Sometimes, the more you wanna walk on a particular path,
life makes the path that you chose to become extremely horrendous & difficult.
You'll get slapped & punched right in your face,
but you can't utter a sound to defend yourself.

There are times when I feel that nobody understands me.
I feel like I want to lock myself in a black box and not talk to anybody.
Then, walking out from the black box as a brand new person...
but ... honey, life goes on, the mundane routine has to go on.
You can't hide, you need to go through it, being strong is the only option.
You need to work, you need to eat, you need to go for meetings, you need to run errands.
It's just life.

To be honest,
I'm still not 100 percent sure what my future will look like.
Am I going to have a promising career that I'm interested in ?
Or am I going to fail miserably in my life & achieve nothing 
& forced to do jobs with the most meagre salary ?

It scares me a lot just by thinking these things.
Come to August of this year, 
My anxiety at this point had spiralled completely out of control, 
and I was a very broken person, 
pretending to be happy and continuing to smile on the outside. 
I tried with everything I had in me to make something toxic work, 
to be perfect for people who didn't even care about me. 
It's only once you a free from the situation, 
that you realize how messed up the situation really was, 
and that's exactly what happened to me. 

I won't go into mammoth detail, but it was a very hard time for me. 
All I hope is that if you are unhappy with something in your life, 
and you are being completely clouded by negativity, 
and losing sight of who you are because of how someone else treats you, 
please have a long hard think. 
We only get one chance at life, and you deserve nothing but happiness, 
and to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you. 
From August onwards, this is exactly what I did.

I feel as though I am cheating somewhat, 
by starting my year from August instead of January, 
but really, that is where my year began, 
and everything turned around for me, and I became Zeng Teck again 
(as cheesy as that sounds, I was beginning to get my spark back). 

So there we have it, the best and worst year of my life all rolled into one blog post. 
Thank you all for joining me on my journey, 
for leaving me an abundance of amazing comments, 
messages and emails throughout my entire social networking-dom, 
and for supporting me through the hard times and the good times. 
I'm so pleased that I get to share the things I get up to with you all, 
and I wouldn't change that for the world. 
Massive hugs to those of you who have been here at the beginning in March, 
and to those of you who may have just started watching or reading in Decmeber, 
and also everyone in between,
I hope you all had an amazing year and that you if you didn't, 
you learnt from it and 2015 will be a fresh start for you.

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015 !

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