Hey Zengarmy,

Question of the day : What do you do when you're feeling stressed?
Do you bite your finger nails? Or do you start clicking your fingers?
For my case it's embarrassingly weird : I'll start curling my hair with
my fingers when I'm feeling really anxious, undecided and worried.

If you know me in real life, you'll notice that I'm with my earphone 24/7.
Not because I have some weird obsession with wiry objects but because
I'm almost constantly listening to music, even when I was walking around.
I think the only time I'm apart with my earphone is when I'm in the bathroom.
Unfortunately, few days ago, while I was using the earphone, the left part of
the earphone lost its sound projection, which means that I can only hear
music/audio using the right part of the earphone, WHICH SUCKSSSSSSSS.

I freaked out, and I could barely even sleep that night.
Yes, that's how badly dependent I am on my earphone.
When I woke up I feel so uneasy without my earphone.
I made the decision to rush to the nearest Samsung store
to me the first thing in the morning, only to realize that
my class schedule on that particular day doesn't allow me
to do that. In the end, I braced through the day and waited
patiently until the night to accomplish my earphone purchase.

I know it's a very cheesy first world problem to moan about,
but in someway it's good. It made me think about the reasons
of why I am so stressed out over the slightest things in my life.

I get very anxious even about the slightest things in my life.
Here's another example : Recently, I noticed that I lost quite
a number of followers on this blog since my last post, compared
to my usual rate of unfollowers. I feel stressed. I started thinking
whether it's because I blew my own trumpet too aloud. I went back
to my last post & re-edit a few words just to make myself feel better.
I noticed people are still unfollowing. I feel shit. I came to the conclusion
that these unfollowers are just unfollowing because they are jealous of me.

Noticed what went wrong here?
I focused only on what I wanted to focus on.
In psychology terms, we call this selective attention.

By the way, I watched this short video (only 70 seconds long)
a few months ago and thought it really suits the topic today.
It's not entirely complementary to what I intended to talk about
in this blog post, but it's kinda related too. Do have a watch anyway.

Lately I've been feeling very unmotivated about blogging,
and generally, creating (that's the word I should be using).
The thing with me is, if you coerced me to create something,
I knew from my heart that what I created would be utter shit.

I'm one of those people who needs constant external inspiration
to keep myself motivated and moving forward, which means that
my creative power is very, very dependent on external factors.
This explains why I usually embed my blog posts with videos.
It's like I have so many thoughts locked inside my brain chamber,
and the only key to extract the thoughts is via external inspiration.

Here's an extract from THIS BLOG POST that I think
resonates with my current thoughts quite much :

Do I excel in anything? No. But do I fail in anything? No.

I just do my best. I do what makes me happy.

You will never get top quality content from me. I’m not a perfectionist,
I’m just a creative person. To me, this means that over having the perfect
and most beautiful video out there, I prefer to constantly come up with new
ideas and content. Creating is the keyword here. That’s what I love to do.

Sometimes it's raw, sometimes it's polished;
other times it's silly, while others it's meaningful.
Anything that I’m feeling will translate in my videos,
they don’t need to be the greatest masterpiece.

Because I’m not a masterpiece, I’m a work in progress.
And I like to be this way, because that means I will never feel
like I’ve reached everything I want, as I always have new
interests and I keep growing as I learn.

I wouldn’t want to be great at something,
because I prefer to be able to enjoy the many
different aspects that life has to offer.

Society tells us that we need to study, find a job,
make a living to support our families.

I had so many sleepless nights over this, because I never felt like
I was the kind of person that could pick something specific
when there is so much to learn, experience and love.
When I go after something, that could be a writing a book,
drawing a painting, filming a show, designing a collection… 
I do it for me. I don’t expect success and greatness,
what I’m after is personal growth while achieving dreams and goals.

I’m extremely happy with all the decisions I made in my life;
nothing ever come easy for anyone, but you can make the best out of
each situation if you let your passions guide you and truly follow your heart.
I regret nothing and I’m so glad life brought me so much joy, but I keep working
hard and never take anything for granted. If my life is shaped the way it is,
it’s thanks to the way I am. I could have easily taken a safer route, but taking
a chance was such a better and more satisfying experience: now I not only get
to work in the field of my dreams, but I don’t need to worry about picking a
certain topic to focus on. I can travel, paint, write, film, edit, design and
create anything I wish… all at the same time! And it’s certainly not to fall
under a label, as most people think – it’s in fact the opposite.
I want to be seen as more than just a writer, or a fashion designer.

I have more depth and layers than that, which a label wouldn’t capture.

Even if people push me to do something or be a certain way,
and criticise me for “sliding” and not being able to pick a field to excel in,
I’m completely okay with how I’m building my life and I’m looking forward to
achieve new goals, as well as learning and experiencing as much as I can in life.

Don’t limit yourself to something you know because you are afraid that otherwise you 
won’t succeed. Don’t do something just because you are expected to from other people.

Enjoy the process of discovering yourself, it’s way more rewarding.

Such an inspiring passage!

A lot of times we feel stressed because we limited ourselves
unconsciously without us knowing that we're limiting ourselves.
Our mind tricked us to think that there's only ONE way to solve
a problem and ONE way to live a successful life, when there are
literally millions of solutions as well as possibilities to success.

If you aren't afraid to lose anything, you have NOTHING to lose.
One thing that I've really learned over the past few years is to
constantly challenge yourself to try out new things so that you
won't be so uneasy when unforeseen circumstances forces you
to get out of your comfort zone. It's hard to do, but it's worthy.

If you're reading this right now, I want you to try out new things.
Get a new hobby. Make a new friend. Go CREATE SOMETHING!
You don't have to be very good at it, but knowing that you're able
to create something on your own, contributes A LOT to your sense
of self. It makes you braver, even when things aren't at their best.

PS : I've been listening to these two songs recently.
They aren't new songs. But they made me happy!


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