▲ A cute snapshot of the lovely students whom I've taught during my internship!

Hey Zengarmy,

Lately, I've been stuck in this huge fucking annoying blue funk of feeling totally
uninspired to create as much high-quality content as I wish to on this blog, & I do
apologize for that. Over the past 3 months, I really felt as though I've lost myself
to my work/life balance — hence, after the completion of my 3-month internship
last Friday (23 March), I decided to take another week off just to relax & literally
do nothing to allow myself to fully recharge. After the, quite frankly, trainwreck
of 3 months where gave myself zero down time (and maybe overworked myself
without realizing it), I'm fully aware of the fact that I needed to get a handle on
my schedule and my free time — something I've learned after one far too many
experiences of physical and emotional burnout in the past. I don't really know
where I'm going with this post, but by the time you're reading this, hopefully
there will be already a title for this post (I usually start writing the content
before naming it, something you might be interested to know, idk hahah!)

▲ It's actually as big as a canvas painting!

I'm (legally) not allowed to disclose too many details about my working context,
but I will try to share my experience without including any personal details of my
students 😂 Working with special need children has been a real eye opener for me.
As a psychology student who has little interest in the clinical & industrial fields, the
only path (well, I said "the only path" but there might be other paths that I'm totally
unaware of) left for me appears to be the education field — and I wasn't having it in
the beginning. I will be the first to admit that mingling with children was never my
forte. Singing and dancing to children rhymes to cheer the kids up? c R i N g E y .
Speaking to children in an upbeat high pitch (you know, the ones you hear in kids
show) so that I'll look more approachable? E r M  n O  t H a N k S ? I have to be
frank, the only 2 reasons why I chose this internship was because: (1) I was at my
wit's end, and (2) I needed an internship (lol). My first day at work was extremely
stressful — I walked into a class of 8 preschool/ kindergarten children with one of
them rolling on the floor, screaming; one of them trying to scratch, pinch, punch
& strangle (yes you didn't hear it wrong) other kids whenever opportunity arises;
one of them constantly grinding teeth (which sounds like she's eating ice cubes or
trying to crunch up some marbles so that she can swallow it, I'm not even making
this up) and staring into the air most of the time; and the rest of the children
feeling extremely shy at the presence of a new adult figure (me) in their class.

▲ Actual footage of me ready to flee.

But what good use am I if I fled from a situation that needed my help?
At that exact point of time, I realized I've made the wisest decision to
intern at Mindspace as special need teaching assistant. It's not an easy
job, but it is PURPOSEFUL and beats sitting down in an office for a
desk job! It took me 2 to 3 weeks to learn the ropes and finally stop
feeling like a useless piece of shit who knows nothing. Like any other
new teachers to the scene, I lost my voice for my entire third week
at work because I shouted too much trying to keep any disobedience
of my students in check. Very soon after that I've learned how to be
strict without shouting too much, how to not fall prey to the kids'
pretence when they cry for attention — and most importantly,
how to make a good use out of singing children rhyme to the
kids to get their immediate attention. I was (fortunately)
surrounded by co-teachers who are very supportive and
understanding — and I'm extremely grateful for that!

Here are some farewell notes
written by my co-teachers 

The "esp. on Wednesdays" joke is an inside joke that
both Reena and I shall bring to our graves hahahah!

The kids drew me stuffs too 😭

Thanks for all the memories.

Love, Zeng.


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