Hey Zengarmy,

This blog post is FULLY INSPIRED by one of my favorite blogger, Xiaxue's

latest post on her Dayre. So please, go read her Dayre blog post BEFORE
you continue reading this post or else you wouldn't get what I'm trying to
convey here 100%. I will link the post right here - CLICK HERE TO READ!

I will just wait here until you go and read that post. Please.

Finished reading? Good! How do you feel about what she wrote?
For me, what she wrote is truly mind-provoking! I'll highlight a few
of my favorite quotes/paragraphs from her Dayre blog post down here.

When I was a kid, like Xiaxue, I actually preferred to be the sidekicks
rather than the hero under the spotlight. I've always thought that :
"Man, it would be so tiring to be having such huge responsibility!"

I thought I was the only one in the world who thinks like that.
And apparently I'm not! So I was quite happy when Xiaxue wrote
that her dream as kid while watching Chinese Palace drama series
like 甄嬛传 is to be the princess's maid instead of the princess!!

To me, it seemed so fun to have my life's purpose set for me.
I just live to serve the princess. Braid her hair, dress her in pretty clothes.
As her confidant and head chambermaid I get to boss the other maids around.
It didn't seem a bad life.

The princesses are often being plotted against or
poisoned or forcefully going through abortions.


Am I the only one who laughed in tears when reading this part??
Damn the precision of Xiaxue's analogy in her blog post is goals!!

After reading that post, I fervently wish to share my thoughts,
because there are so many controversial point of views in that
post that made me question about my morality & principles.

The first controversial point of view being :

Should we save the weak if
they don't want to be rescued?

The houseelf slavery issues (remember Dobby from Harry Potter??)
are being discussed as one of the examples for this point of view.
If an houseelf (only appears in Harry Potter) enjoys serving its
master, will freeing it make it happier because of finding new
purpose in life? Or depressed because of losing purpose in life?
Is it ethical to try to "cure" them & make them "normal again"?
In the real world, take pets for examples. Are we actually doing
good when we're petting animals that deserve freedom in the wild?
In my opinion we're doing good if we're petting the animals from
the animal abusers/possible predators that may cause harm to them.
However, if WE OURSELVES are the animal abusers/possible predators,
then by all means others people should save the animals from our hands.

In the end of the day, once you're in the world of adulthood,
there's no EXACT borderline to separate black from white anymore.
There will be so so so many grey areas & double standards in your life.
If you're reading this as a 14-year-old teenager who yearns for adulthood,
then let me remind you it's not all glittery as you imagined. It's the price
you'll pay for being in adulthood. Morality & principles vary in different
circumstances, and making simple decisions becomes harder & harder.

How many of us are "actually" happy ?

In her blog post, Xiaxue also mentioned about her childhood experience
of transitioning from primary to secondary school, which is pretty relatable
to mine, where my depression & anxiety started to kick in during the transition.

Would it be better if you stayed in your own bubble that the world consisted
of pretty dumb people and you were the smartest of them? Well, logically,
it would be bad for your intellectual growth, BUT if you think carefully,
how has the existing score system in the current education system failed?

The following paragraphs were taken from Xiaxue's post.

I went to a Neighbourhood primary school
and I was one of the top students there.

I felt so good about myself when I was there.
I studied hard and took pride in my work because I liked the respect I got.
My parents also felt good that I was the top of my class.

Then I went to River Valley High.
With my PSLE score of 269, I was put in the best class
but I my score was one of the lowest there.

The top PSLE scorer was 282.

I thought I was so clever and I was so happy to be in a class with my peers.

But seriously I was the dumbest one in class.
These people are not only smart,
they had memorized the textbooks before school even started.

For the first time in my life I was humiliated for
having the lowest score in class for an exam.
The teacher called me out and told me to improve.

It become clear to me that I couldn't possibly be the best anymore.
And it sure felt better to be the worst when you don't try
than if you do try and still end up being the worst.

So I started being defiant.
A problem kid who deliberately doesn't care about schoolwork.

I wouldn't say I was unhappy, because I was.
But I wasn't taking pride n joy in my grades like I used to.
And I certainly felt better about myself in that shitty Neighbourhood primary school.

My point is... I was happier when I didn't know.
I had thought that the world consisted of pretty dumb people
and I was the smartest of them.
When I became enlightened and my ceiling adjusted, that was sad for me.

You can call it delusion, but who cares whether it's the truth or not?

It really depends doesn't it?

On what your end goal in life is.

If it is to be happy, then by all means do all you can to achieve it.

If you seek the truth, then by all means get out of the matrix.

I guess this is the only and only reason of why I'm worried of being in adulthood.
I'm officially turning into 20 this October. And I'm trembling in uncertainties.
The fear of underachievement haunts me everyday in my dreams & thoughts.
And I realized I'm so so so so lucky to have family who supports me financially.
But does it make me a loser in life if my end goal in life is to lead a simple life?
(I just realized I used 3 life's in a single sentence, kudos to my brain, kudos.)
A simple life of enjoying what I enjoy & don't have to keep up my pace with
the rest of the world, which is always trying to achieve ENDLESS ACHIEVEMENTS?

I just recently caught up with the Divergent movie series (currently on Allegiant)
and realized that the movie depicted exactly what the current world looks like.
Well, maybe not the advanced technology & machines but you get what I mean.
People are forced to be divided according to their in-born personality traits,
where the brave ones = Dauntless, self-less ones = Abnegation, kind ones = Amity,
honest ones = Cander, and finally, the smart ones = Erudite, in order to ensure
the peace and functionality of the community. But my question is, why can't a
person be ALL? Why can't we all be Divergents who possess all 5 personalities?
Why can't we all just stop labeling people? Why should labeling exist in the world?

Food for thought.


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