Hey Zengarmy,

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight you'll see,
Is the holly that will be on your own front door!

Okay, can I start getting excited yet ?!
It's one month away before Christmas !!!

I woke up yesterday with Christmas songs in my head, 
and subjected every second in my room to festive tunes, and loved every second. 
I'm not sure my housemates did, but that's beside the point.

I know it's still only November but I can't help but get excited. 
I went through a period a while back when everything was wrong, bad or up in the air, 
and I found it hard to get in the spirit of things, 
so now that I'm feeling excited all by myself, 
I feel like it's important to nurture that feeling, 
to help turn it into that magical time of year that I truly love so well. 
So basically, I'm declaring today as the start of Christmas. 
Sorry all you Scrooges out there, but get ready for a whole lot of festive fun!

The last few weeks for me have been incredibly hectic. 
I’m just a little more tired than usual, 
and I often found myself sat at my hostel room desk, 
drinking far too much coffee, 
and desperately catching up on various internet things I’d missed.

I had my AS exam last few weeks. 
Well, the exam lasted for 2 months approx,
Trust me, I get told off by my parents for blogging frequently.
Although blogger is not my job,
But hey, I LOVE IT.

Being open about my past anxiety still causes trouble for me, 
despite being well and feeling the best I’ve felt in years. 
Some people think I'm ill, or that I’m lying about how I feel when I say I’m good. 
Some people still treat me wrongly or with cruel attitudes, 
as mental health still faces severe stigma in society. 
Whenever I express stress or sadness, 
some people immediately assume I’m suicidal or severely depressed, 
and there’s an influx of patronizing responses.

It upsets me, 
I’m obviously a different person to my past … 
but some people still treat me as they do and throw the “mentally ill” card at me.

I am not that person anymore. I’m who I am now.

I’ve been okay for a few months, not depressed, but not particularly happy. 
Even though I’m on the mend, for me, happiness still isn’t a regular emotion. 
I rarely experience happiness, so when it comes my way, I explode! 
It’s almost as if it’s a birthday present, 
I look forward to it, crave the rare day it occurs, 
and by golly when it comes, it’s beautiful. 
I find that there is a difference 
between being happy and being completely overwhelmed in good feelings!

Today was a good day,
and one of those rare days where I stopped in my tracks, 
and realized that I was feeling “happiness”.


Santa Clause is coming ... to town !!!

Admist my crazy few weeks, 
I noticed the other day (and leapt for joy) that :
the shopping malls have brought back their seasonal Christmas decorations !!!

Well, December is my all time favorite month,
( although now it's still November LOLZ )
& when it comes back into season it means that my favorite holiday, Christmas, 
is approaching and also that my holiday isn’t too far round the corner! 
The amount of happiness that all Christmas thingy in shops brought me was unreal,
and much needed on a very busy day, 
when my spirit was starting to get a little worn out. 

It got me thinking about the little things, 
that tend to keep me going through very busy, seemingly endless weeks. 
Much like my little lists of happy things that I make, 
there are things that I really look forward to,
in between all the busy, important “I must be serious now” stuff. 
Like a yummy chocolate waffle in the morning, 
a cup of tea and a slice of cake after my dinner, 
reading/writing/drawing at midnight …
but then there are the things that pop up here and there, 
that I would never expect to happen that absolutely make my week. 
Little gesture’s that people make or things people say, 
that I could never prepare for, 
that make them all the more special when they happen. 

For instance, 
just today someone profusely thanked me for being “low maintenance” 
because it made their job so much easier, 
and it apparently meant it made everyone like me all the more for it! 
I was sat on my own in a restaurant, 
and Iggy Azalea’s ‘Fancy’ came on and it made me smile. 
A friend of mine gave me a hug this week and patted on my shoulder, 
which made me feel very loved and go all warm and fuzzy on the inside, 
and that was exactly what I needed, 
just as my energy was running out after a long day of school! 

It made me realize that whilst we call them ‘The Little Things’, 
we only call them that because they’re small gestures or small things 
that happen during days filled with much larger tasks. 
But personally, I feel that they’re actually The Big Things. 
The things that make the difference between giving up and carrying on. 
Between breaking down into tears and laughing out loud in the face of tiredness. 
Between losing hope and gaining strength. 
They are little things that make us feel big stuff, 
and I want to make more of an effort to be the bringer of ’The Little Things’ 
to my friends and family more often, 
because I know how much they mean to me.

Let me know if recently you’ve experienced 
a little gesture of happiness, love, hope or whatnot recently! 
We can all feed off of each other’s stories and all be a little brighter today! :)


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