Hey Zengarmy,

"Do you have ANY talent??"

For some reason, I've always imagined people asking me this question.

Be it my classmates, teachers, blog readers, YouTube viewers,
or basically anyone. ANYBODY. Including strangers too.
Don't ask me why. My brain is designed to be different.
Well, actually, everybody's brain is designed to be different.

The thing is, I honestly believe that I was born with NO talent.
When I say NO talent, it doesn't mean that I am a dumbo at everything.
I may be good at something. Drawing. Singing. Memorizing lyrics.
But I was never the master of anything. At least in my opinion I'm not.

When I was a kid, I remembered being told that my drawings are good.
And as a young naive kid, I totally believed that with all my heart,
until I realized that my drawing skills had stopped developing
at the age of 13, when I was told that my watercolor painting
looks like a drowned paper by my high school Art teacher.
I never took any art classes since then.
I decided to switch to music class instead.

Similarly, even after switching to music classes,
things didn't get any better than what I expected.
I struggled with playing piano. I just couldn't do it.
My fingers felt too numb as I stroke through the keyboard.
That was when I realized that I could possibly be a talent-less person.
A Jack of all trades but master of none.

I was very bothered by that.
As a result, I then decided to join the choir.
(a decision purely based on the fact that I watched Glee)
I felt so much more confident after joining the choir club.
I realized that I CAN ACTUALLY SING and not just humming.
If you're curious, I was assigned to the Alto group in the choir,
which is responsible to sing the female low key during performances.
(Take note that I was only 14 when I first joined the choir)

I met people who love music just as much as I do, maybe even more.
The sense of belonging to music got me through the highs and lows.
Fast forward to when I graduated from high school 2 years ago,
I was advised that music is not a path that I should be taking.
I agree. Music is not a career for EVERYONE.
But that doesn't mean I should kill my passion for music.
Hence I started my own YouTube channel one night, after watching
Daniela Andrade covering Ed Sheeran's "The A Team" on YouTube.
That kickstarted my journey as a YouTuber. It was a journey full of ups and downs.

Shortly after I posted the video, my friends watched it and said I did well.
I know well that they're just trying to say nice things so that I don't go
and kill myself out of depression because nobody watches my video.
It was not my best attempt. Because I live in a hostel and that means
no belting of notes or singing too loud or else you'll be complained.
But I don't even give a shit. I was passionate. I upload regularly,
fully hoping that each video is going to get more views as I proceed.

But I was wrong. Darn wrong.

The views got lesser and lesser as I proceed,
presumably because people started to realize that I'm not a good singer.
I watched other big YouTubers' videos on tips for starting a channel, and all
they said were the same thing - be who you are and don't care about the views.

I know it's just a figure. But it's there. 24/7.
I got to the state where my subscribers count
stopped DEAD for a month. A FREAKING MONTH!
Not only nobody new was subscribing to me,
a few of my subscribers unsubscribed from my channel as well.

Being devastated and what not, I resorted to other alternatives.
I started to comment on other people's videos regularly,
and not gonna lie - IT WORKS! New people discovered my channel!
I was on cloud nine. But the problem with YouTube is that there's
a chance that somebody hates & dislikes all of your videos,
and most of them ended up leaving hate comments on my videos.
I was lucky enough to have only met a couple or two haters up to now.
(Imagine all the big YouTubers out there!)

I'm happy to say that I'm finally feeling good in my own skin now.
I do still get upset by the dislikes & low views some times,
but definitely not as frequently as I used to - which is GOOD!

So, back to answering the question that I've asked in the beginning.
Do I have any talent? I'm sure I got some, although they're not very obvious.
But even if I got no talent at all, that's okay. I got my personality.
And I'm now more into connecting with my subscribers whom have
the same/close personalities as mine than getting more views.
I once made a mistake by over-focusing on the number of views & subscribers,
but now only I realize that loyal subscribers are the most important.
I would rather have subscribers that subscribed because of my personality.

So ...... YUP.
This basically sums up my YouTube journey
from the very beginning up to now, unfiltered.
Let me know in the comments if you would like me
to blog more often about any other topics that you like to read,

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